Tag: children

My Boyfriend Is Not A Babysitter

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I don’t go out with friends often, but sometimes when I do, my boyfriend will stay home with our girls. When I’m able to do something, usually because of prior commitments to my family, I’m constantly asked, “well can’t he just babysit them while you’re gone?” This is the question that bugs me, it’s wrong on so many levels.

Yes, Dagen is only my boyfriend, but he is also the father to both of our children. Meaning, we share the responsibilities surrounding the children equally. We both feed them, change diapers, bathe them, put them to bed, etc. And yes, sometimes I’m home with them while he goes out, and vice versa, but that doesn’t mean he is babysitting. It means that her is being a parent, taking on the same roles of a mother. If it’s not called babysitting when I do it, then why is it called babysitting when he does it?

I’m constantly asked if Dagen can handle watching both girls for however amount of time. But the thing is, I don’t worry about Dagen watching the girls like I would worry with a babysitter. They are always fed, changed, and happy when they are with him, so I have nothing to worry about. I trust him completely with both our girls. Yes, he may feel like he wants to rip his hair out sometimes, but the kids are always cared for and he is always happy when I come home.

Over the years, I have even gotten comments such as, “I’m impressed that you’re leaving him home with the children” and “you’re making him into a great father by letting him babysit them”. Uhm, no! You shouldn’t be impressed with me for letting him watch them when he is their FATHER and taking on the responsibilities of a parent. Also, I’m not making him into a good father by letting him watch his children, he is making himself into a good father by what HE is doing on his own. I don’t understand why people always think that it is me that is shaping him into the person that he is. I have no part in that at all.

He is an awesome and engaged father. He takes on all the roles that a parent should. He is overly involved, a part of everything that they do in their lives, helps them figure out their way through situations, and give them some of the best advice as a father. He helps them with absolutely everything, he is their role model. So, no, he is not the babysitter, he is their father. So please, stop asking me is Dagen is babysitting when he is just being a father.

Parents Know Best

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What are you supposed to do when your parents try to tell you how to raise your kids? I can tell you that I was angry, confused, and felt like a failure of a mother. I thought, “my parents know best so they must be right”. So, for awhile, I just sort of gave in, then one day, like a switch went off in me, I realized that I am the parent, so I know what is best for my children. Let me take this back to the beginning.

A few months back, I went to a trip with Savannah, Elle, and my aunt to visit my dad and his little family in Vancouver. With a five-hour flight each way, I was amazed with how well the kids handled it considering it was something new and had never done before. Savannah mainly played on the Ipad and Elle slept though most of it. Even though they handled the flight well, I knew the week was going to be a little rough since they were thrown through a loop and off their routine. Not only were things different by how they were staying somewhere new for a week, but the time change really hit them hard.

Savannah was hit the worst. She was constantly grumpy, not listening, and acting out. Which is totally out of character for her. So, when she was acting out or not listening, she would start to act out even more which led to time outs and having private talks with me about her behaviour and attitude. Because my dad lives so far away, he doesn’t see me or his grandchildren very often, so he doesn’t know what regular behaviour was and what was not for either child. He didn’t understand why Savannah was getting in trouble for things he considered normal for a toddler because that isn’t how Savannah acts.  

So, because Savannah was acting out, she was getting time outs and talks with myself. My dad would constantly make comments like “that’s what toddlers do” and “oh, getting her in trouble again over nothing”. It got to the point where comments like this were made every time I even tried to talk to Savannah. After the first few days, I just stopped trying. I just let her get away with things because I thought my dad was right, I thought he knew best. And it went on like this for the rest of the week. I thought that for the first 3 years of her life, I was doing everything wrong, and it made me feel like the biggest failure ever.

I got pregnant at 17 with Savannah and had her when I was 18. I was so young, I really didn’t know what I was doing. Having my dad make these comments made me think that even though I though I’d figured it out, I hadn’t. Having these comments thrown at me for almost three days straight, made me think that I had no idea how to parent or that I was being too hard on her. It didn’t hit me until the flight home, that he was wrong. Just because that’s the way his toddler might act, doesn’t mean that’s how my toddler acts. I realized that I didn’t have to raise my children the way he thought that I should. It may have taken me a while to figure it out, but I realized that parents know best and I am her parent.   

So, you’re probably wondering, what was the point of this story? The point is do what YOU believe to be best for your children and for yourself. Take advice from people but do not think that you must do things the exact way that others tell you to. A lot of people I know are now having babies, or soon to be having babies, and some are just as young as I was when Savannah was born. We are young and impressionable and want all the help we can get because we are late teens, early twenties. But DO NOT let other people try and control your life and how you raise your children. YOU are the parent, and parents know best.