My Boyfriend Is Not A Babysitter

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I don’t go out with friends often, but sometimes when I do, my boyfriend will stay home with our girls. When I’m able to do something, usually because of prior commitments to my family, I’m constantly asked, “well can’t he just babysit them while you’re gone?” This is the question that bugs me, it’s wrong on so many levels.

Yes, Dagen is only my boyfriend, but he is also the father to both of our children. Meaning, we share the responsibilities surrounding the children equally. We both feed them, change diapers, bathe them, put them to bed, etc. And yes, sometimes I’m home with them while he goes out, and vice versa, but that doesn’t mean he is babysitting. It means that her is being a parent, taking on the same roles of a mother. If it’s not called babysitting when I do it, then why is it called babysitting when he does it?

I’m constantly asked if Dagen can handle watching both girls for however amount of time. But the thing is, I don’t worry about Dagen watching the girls like I would worry with a babysitter. They are always fed, changed, and happy when they are with him, so I have nothing to worry about. I trust him completely with both our girls. Yes, he may feel like he wants to rip his hair out sometimes, but the kids are always cared for and he is always happy when I come home.

Over the years, I have even gotten comments such as, “I’m impressed that you’re leaving him home with the children” and “you’re making him into a great father by letting him babysit them”. Uhm, no! You shouldn’t be impressed with me for letting him watch them when he is their FATHER and taking on the responsibilities of a parent. Also, I’m not making him into a good father by letting him watch his children, he is making himself into a good father by what HE is doing on his own. I don’t understand why people always think that it is me that is shaping him into the person that he is. I have no part in that at all.

He is an awesome and engaged father. He takes on all the roles that a parent should. He is overly involved, a part of everything that they do in their lives, helps them figure out their way through situations, and give them some of the best advice as a father. He helps them with absolutely everything, he is their role model. So, no, he is not the babysitter, he is their father. So please, stop asking me is Dagen is babysitting when he is just being a father.

Love Is Love

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This post is a little different than what I usually post about but it’s been on my mind a lot with what’s going on in the world lately. And I think it’s something that needs to be talked about even if people don’t want to. I rewrote this about five times to try and get all the thoughts in line. Most of you know that I’m a very open minded person and that I support and respect everyone no matter what. That being said, I support and respect everyone regardless of their sexuality. Whether you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or anything else, I support you and respect you. I do not think any less of you. And some people don’t have the same views pas I do, which is why I decided to write about this. It needs to be talked about.

Everyone loves someone. Whether it’s a man loving a woman, a woman loving a man, man loving a man, a woman loving a woman, or someone loving both. It’s still love. And we are living in a world where we were making steps in the direction of having this normalized. But now, we are taking some steps backward. The other day in the news, I saw that a country was now stoning people for not being straight. It absolutely breaks my heart. It breaks my heart that we can’t accept people as they are, and are taking their own beliefs to this extreme. It breaks my heart that people are afraid to be themselves because of what people will do to them. Weather it’s being bullied and harassed, your family being upset and wanting to “disown” you or being the target of mass tragedies, which has sadly happened more times that I even want to think.

We live in a world where we are too consumed in ourselves and our beliefs that we are beyond cruel to anyone who has different beliefs. If someone has different beliefs or views than someone else, we don’t even take the time to realize that there is something different than what we know. Not saying that all Catholics are like this, but a lot don’t accept someone loving the same gender, or multiple genders. And some of these people take their beliefs to the extreme. Others are starting to realize that these beliefs aren’t the only ones, and that love can be between anyone, and are apologizing for the cruelness towards these other people. If these religious groups can realize this, I don’t understand why it is hard for other people to realize this.

Let me tell you a quick story.

Some of you know that I work in a daycare. For a little bit, I was in the preschool room with three year olds. One day after nap, a group of kids, two girls and two boys, were playing a game of house. The two girls were arguing about which one of them was going to play the mommy in the game. The one little boy said “you can both be the mommy”. There was no objection or hesitation between anyone, and their game just went on like normal. They continued their game with two mommies who had two boys. These kids are three and they get it. They don’t see anything wrong with someone having two mommies. They see that parents, who obviously love each other, can be anyone regardless of their gender or sexuality. If these three years can understand and accept it, why can’t most people?

Even though we have taken some steps backwards, we have taken many steps forwards. In a lot of places, same sex marriage is legal, and considered normal to a lot of people. I think there are a lot of people around the world who need to become more open minded and see outside of the box that they are used to. People need to grow up and realize that there are more than just their own views and beliefs. We need to grow up and learn to accept people as they are because it is not fair for people to be living in fear by just being who they are. We need to grow up and realize that it doesn’t matter who it’s between, that love is love.

Dads Are Parents Too

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Before I get into this, I want to make sure that you all know a few things. This doesn’t apply to everyone, not everyone is in the same situation. Not everyone has the same things in place for their child to see their father. Different situations call for different actions. I don’t mean to cause any offence that this could possibly cause. This is mainly for the mothers who choose to keep their child away from their father solely because they can.

Sometimes, relationships between parents can end and it sucks. There are many different reasons that it could end, but a father should still be in their child’s life if they are showing effort and the child will be in a safe place. If they are abusive, or there is a court order to stay away from the child, then that is a different story. If you can put everything aside to let your child’s father see them, then good on you and it shows a lot about who you are as a person. Unfortunately, I know a lot of women who have kept fathers away from, their child for no reason at all. Just because they can. And it’s not fair.

It takes two people to make a baby. So, both parents need to take responsibility for that child, which is hard to do if the mother is keeping the father away. The only time that a child should not be allowed to see their father is if he is abusive, there is a court order, or any other serious occurrence that can make it unsafe for the child. If he is providing for the child, keeps them in a safe environment, and is making effort to be a part of their lives, then he should be there to take on the responsibility of a father. He will do what he needs to do as a father such as buying food and clothes, helping with sports, pickup and drop off, paying child support, and every other role that is expected of a father. He will learn to co-parent with the mother because it is in the best interest of the child.

At one point or another, you had enough love for each other to decide to bring another life into this world. That life, your child, is your number one priority. Nothing should ever come before them. When a relationship ends, you need to out everything aside when it comes to your children. You need to be civil with each other because if you’re not, you child will be able to sense the tension between you two. You need to let the dad be a part of that child’s life, he is a parent too. Our unfortunate reality is that when a relationship ends, a lot of mothers will keep the father away from the children for the sole fact that they can. They would rather their child grow up without a father figure just because they don’t want to be around them. And again, this is not all mothers.

As for fathers who don’t want to be involved, don’t force them. In this situation, you need to do what is best for you and your children whether it is getting sole custody or getting rights signed over.

Too many mothers are starting to become too petty when it comes to the father of their children. And I think that’s really sad. They would rather act like this instead of putting their children first. I know a day who isn’t allowed to see his daughter because the mother refuses. The mom doesn’t respond to calls or messages and will block his number and social media. The only time he will hear from her is if she doesn’t have anyone with to watch the child. But, if he doesn’t get there fast enough, it’s a forty-five-minute drive, she won’t let him see her.

Now, I know you’re saying, “if they actually want to see their child, they should go through court”. And a lot of them are, but it takes time. And until everything is completely sorted out, it can be very challenging for them to see their children.  As for the mothers who let the fathers see their children, good on you. It says a lot about who you are as a person since a lot of moms wouldn’t. It shows that you are putting your children’s best interests first.

Even though mothers are usually the primary caregivers, doesn’t mean that the fathers don’t do anything. They have a huge role in their child’s upbringing. Mothers need to stop thinking that they can just put the dads in the backseat just because they are no longer together. They need to stop being so petty and allow the father to be involved. They need to let the dad be a dad to their best ability.

What To Expect After Delivery (The Brutal Truths All First Time Moms Need To Know)

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Even though you’re giving birth to your child, which is one of the most beautiful things in this world, the labour itself is not. There are a lot of things that you aren’t aware of going into labour, and things that you think people are over exaggerating about but are not. So, here are some brutal truths that all first-time moms need to know about labour, that people won’t tell you.

Labour hurts. Like, a lot. So, most women opt for an epidural. For those who don’t know what this is, it’s a huge needle that goes into your spine to help numb you from the pain. And it doesn’t always work. So basically, you get a giant needle, that can paralyze you, put into your spine that only has a 50/50 chance of working. If you do go this route, you end up getting a catheter because you are unable to get up. Keep in mind, if your epidural doesn’t work, like mine didn’t, you can feel it and it is extremely uncomfortable.

You will most likely poop. Sounds gross, I know. But when you’ve been in labour for hours and they finally tell you that you are ready to push, you get a rush of adrenaline and start pushing. You don’t know what to push, so you push everything, which causes a lot of women to poop. It’s completely normal so don’t worry about it or be embarrassed about it. The nurses are totally used to it. Since you can’t eat anything while in labour, except popsicles and ice chips, you’re going to be pushing out anything that is left in your body, making it a gross smelling poop. Again, completely normal so no need to be embarrassed about it.

Alright, now its time for your placenta. Your baby has been born, but now you have to “give birth” to the placenta. So many people told me that it just falls out, no pushing, no helping it out, nothing. WRONG. You don’t have to push it out, but your nurse will be pushing super hard on your stomach to try and help this thing out. You are already in pain and tired from pushing out your baby, and now they are giving you the most painful massage on your stomach. Their pushing does make it just fall out, you don’t have to push, but it doesn’t just fall out on its own.

So, like I said, labour is not beautiful. It is bloody. Super bloody. You have the blood from the baby being born, the blood from the placenta coming out, the blood from pushing out your catheter during labour (like I did). In the words of my boyfriend, it can look like a bloody massacre down there, and he is so right. I saw all the cloths and everything else they were moving away from me and using to clean up all the blood, and there was a lot. Such grossness for such a beautiful thing.

Your down below is going to be a mess! You will obviously bleed a lot during delivery, but if you tear than you’ll bleed even more. You’ll be all swollen and possibly stitched. And sometimes when pushing, you can push out the catheter, like I did, and it can be even more of a mess down there. You will be such a mess and sore down there, that it will sting to pee, and you can’t wipe after. Because of this, the hospital will give you a little squirt bottle to clean yourself off after you go.

You will have a really heavy period. Regardless if you had a c-section or delivered natural, if you breastfeed or bottle feed. When I say heavy period, I mean wearing those giant overnight pads two to six weeks. Welcome to feeling like a fourteen-year-old girl again. And even if your body is feeling up to it, you can’t wear a tampon. If you do, you could cause an infection.   

Breastfeeding isn’t as easy and glamourous as it is made out to be. A lot of the time, the baby will have trouble latching, and if they do latch, they may not be doing it the proper way. If they aren’t doing it the proper way, it will start off as uncomfortable and progress to painful with cracked and bloody nipples. Which, if you can’t tell, would be painful as heck. Your boobs will start to get engorged and become really painful. And honestly, it can get even worse if the baby is not latching because your boobs will just be getting more and more engorged with nothing being removed from them.

Post partum depression is a real thing and you are not invincible. More women than you would think, end up with this depression. There are many different stages of it which can make some people have it worse than others. It is more common than you like to believe so if you think it is something that you suffer with, do not be ashamed to talk to your doctor about it. It is not something that you need to be ashamed of or scared of. Aside from your doctor, there are many different resources you can reach out to that can provide you with the help and support that you will need.   

How I Potty Trained My Toddler

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I’m just going to come straight out and say it – potty training sucks. If you’re a parent you already know this, and if not, let me just give you a glimpse into our nightmare. It can be extremely difficult, your house constantly smells like pee, you’re constantly, and I mean CONSTANTLY, doing laundry. I have yet to meet a mom who actually enjoys the potty-training stage. Luckily, I found a way to get through it once and hopefully I can do it a second time. Here are a few tips and tricks to get you though potty-training.

This one may seem over the top so bear with me! I was beyond tired of having to steam clean my carpet every time Savannah had an accident, but if I didn’t do it, the entire house would smell like pee. So, I decided to put down pee pads! You’re probably thinking that I’m crazy but hear me out. I didn’t have them everywhere, just in a path from the bathroom to where Savannah’s toys were. This way if she had an accident while playing, which was very common, I didn’t have to deep clean every time. It was also helpful when she was trying to get to the bathroom and didn’t make it in time! I would switch out whatever ones got dirty during the day and would replace all of them in the morning. Like I said, it may seem a little over the top, but it made my life so much easier.

Always keep your child in underwear at home! Obviously, this means that accidents are going to go every where, but that’s the joy of potty-training. Having them in underwear all the time means they actually have to pull them all the way down to be able to go to the bathroom. Now, you’re probably thinking that they can learn that in a pull-up too. The only problem with that is aside from the fact that a pull-up can be pulled up and down, it feels just like a diaper. Kids are used to the feeling of sitting in their diaper after going to the bathroom, so it doesn’t really prompt them to try the potty, or to tell you that they have gone. However, when wearing underwear, the wetness will go every where and down their leg, and with it being a new feeling, most kids won’t like it, and will try to avoid the feeling so they tend to try and use the potty more. But, when we went out places with Savannah, we would put her in a pull=up to avoid accidents while out in public but would still ask and encourage using the bathroom.

When we were at home and she was in her underwear, we would ask if she had to go pee every twenty minutes or so. Even if she said no, we tried to have her on the potty once every half hour. Even when we were out somewhere and she was in a pull-up, we would still ask every twenty minutes and if we were able to, we would sit her on the toilet so she could try to go. Having consistency is one of the most important things in potty-training, and I think that’s one of the things that is forgotten most times.

Doing this for awhile, will help them be fully day trained. Night training is a little different and more difficult since most kids are heavy sleepers, like Savannah. We made sure she had a waterproof cover on her mattress incase she had any accidents. We tried to make sure that she didn’t have anything to drink for about an hour before bedtime to try and reduce the urge of peeing in her sleep. Even though she didn’t have anything to drink, we would still put her in a pull-up for bedtime. We found an awesome approach which helped her wake up dry! Because we had just had Elle around the time potty-training started, every time she woke up for a bottle, we would wake Savannah up and have her to on the potty. You can still do this even if you don’t have another child, because I’m sure most people are like me and wake up at least once to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

After doing this for a few nights and having her always wake up dry, we started trying to put her to bed in underwear. After two nights in a row in underwear and having accidents, we put her back in a pull-up for bed, thinking that she wasn’t ready yet. When she woke up dry for a week straight, we tried underwear again. Since that day, she hasn’t had any accidents in her sleep! She is 100% dry all the time! Because Elle stuck very closely to her routine, she would wake up around the same time every night. Which means we always woke Savannah up at around the same time every night. It eventually got to the point where we could hear Savannah wake up and go to the bathroom over the baby monitor as Elle was having her bottle. Now, she always gets up on her own at night and it fully potty trained!

How I Traveled With An Infant And A Toddler

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Travelling with a child can be quite a challenge. However, travelling with multiple children is beyond difficult. Back in November, I traveled with both kids, who were three and seven months at the time, to go visit my dad in Vancouver. Unfortunately, we were unable to get a direct flight, so we flew from London, to Toronto, to Vancouver. We had the same problem on the way back, so we had connecting flights again. Luckily, I had a few tricks up my sleeve to make this trip go as smoothly as possible since I have flown before with just Savannah.

For those who have never flown with children, let me give you a quick little run down on how the flights work. Children aged two and under, are free so they don’t require a seat, so they sit on your lap. You do have the option to buy them a seat if you want them in a car seat during the flight. All babies are allowed a diaper bag as a carry on. Any child over the age of two, requires a seat, and in turn are allowed one carry on bag. Female travellers can have their purse and a carryon bag. So, when thinking about it, it is four bags all together. I also had my carrier with me for Elle so that it made the walk to connecting flights a million times easier. This may seem like a lot but trust me when I say that you need it. When travelling with children, you can bring two of the following three items for each child: car seat, playpen, and stroller. For this trip, I only brought car seats for each child because my dad had a play pen and air mattress for the girls to sleep on, as well as a double stroller so there was no need for me to bring more than I had to.

When travelling with an infant who is formula fed, or even breastfed, you can bring your own water. They allow you for the sole purpose of needing water to make a formula bottle and so you can keep as hydrated as needed if breastfeeding. They just do a quick drug test through the outside of the water bottle and will send you on your way. They also do the same quick check with the squeezable baby food pouches. They are very lenient when it comes for travelling with an infant because they want the flight to go as easy as possible for you and everyone else on the plane.

For Elle’s diaper bag, I tried to keep it as packed as possible to I could have everything I needed, or thought I needed, in arm’s reach. We had the obvious stuff like diapers, wipes, formula, water, bottles, and food. I also put in a change of clothes, an extra soother, a soother clip, some toys, and her special blanket. Like I said before, I also made sure that I had the carrier so that it was easier to walk through the airport, but to also make takeoff and landing easier (they have to be on your lap with their head in your chest for both). For Savannah, I brought some snacks, a pull up in case she wanted to sleep, her blanket and favourite stuffie, kids’ headphones and an Ipad full of kids’ games and cartoons. Usually, I’m not all for a lot of screen time but with this situation, I just wanted it to go as smooth as possible, so I just let it happen.  

My purse had all my essentials, a book, some snacks and everyone’s birth certificates and health cards. In my carryon, I had my camera, laptop and charger, notebook and textbooks (it was close to exam season). So needless to say, all the carryon items we had had a fair share of stuff in them. This was obviously a big pain to carry between flights, but I would’ve been so screwed without having everything that I did.

Once we were settled into our seats and waiting for takeoff, I would set Savannah up with a show in the Ipad and give her the blanket and stuffie. After Savannah was all set up, I would give Elle a bottle while she was still in the carrier. If she fell asleep there after the bottle, I would keep her there until she woke up. If she didn’t fall asleep, I would take her out and put the carrier under my seat then let her play with some toys. It was a lot to do this for a total of four flights in ten days, but it was the easiest way to get it done.

Unfortunately, the way home didn’t go as smooth. The flight from Vancouver to Toronto was great, but we ended up having a six and a half hour in Toronto. So, after a four-and-a-half-hour flight that we were all awake for, we were exhausted. I ended up holding both kids who fell asleep and ended up falling asleep myself for about an hour. After waking up, my arms were numb from holding both kids, who were still sleeping. Since we had already been there for so long, I just wrapped them up in their blankets and put them on the carpeted floor to sleep since we were the only people there. They slept like this for about another two hours. Once they woke up, we went to Tim Horton’s to get some lunch and played ISpy for about 3 hours off and on. Now, I’m not the biggest fan of flying but I couldn’t have been happier to hear the boarding call for our flight. After an eighteen-minute flight, we were finally home, and I had never been so happy to be back in London Ontario.

Now, it may not have seemed like I did a lot to make it go easier, or it may even look like I took the easy way out. But, regardless of what I did, I had two happy, non-screaming kids through all four flights, and it wasn’t as hard ad I feared it would be.

How I Prepared My Daughter For A Sibling

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I always thought the one of the scariest, but best, things in life was to have a child. Boy was I wrong. It was one of the best things, but, the scariest was getting pregnant with your second child because you never know how the first child will react. But everyone always expects the worst. You expect the first child to be sad and jealous. Sometimes you expect even worse like kicking, hitting, biting, etc. All of this was everything that I expected, and more, but what I got was the complete opposite. Savannah was amazing! She was so happy and loving towards her sister, and it absolutely melted my heart, it still does.

When pregnant with Elle, we were beyond worried about how Savannah would react since she was used to being an only child and having all of our attention all the time. We were expecting her to lash out towards us, and towards her sister. So, we started to look for different ways to try and make the transition easier for her. During this time, google became our best friend. We, meaning I, read a ton of online mommy forums and came across a bunch of different suggestions. We obviously chose the suggestions that were best fitted for Savannah and her age.

One of these suggestions was to constantly talk to Savannah about how there was a baby in my tummy that would come out one day. We would tell her that the baby will play with her when she gets bigger and that the baby is going to be Savannah’s best friend. Well, she got so excited about this that she wants us to take the baby out right away so they could play and be friends. Another thing we did was keep Savannah as involved as much as possible before and after her sister was born. When we first told her that we were having another baby, she was clearly very confused and wasn’t sure what to think about everything. So, we decided to keep her as involved in the pregnancy as we could. This meant that Savannah came to all the doctors’ appointments, got to hear her sister’s heartbeat and see her in an ultrasound. She even wanted to help me put cream on my stomach all the time. She was super excited about being a big sister she just wanted to be part of everything.

After Elle was born, we still tried to keep Savannah as involved as ever so that she didn’t feel left out. We would ask her to bring us the diapers or the wipes during a diaper change. She would try to give Elle her bottle every time she started crying and would grab Elle an outfit when she needed to get dressed. She loved being able to hold Elle all the time and she never wanted to let go.   


Another thing we did that I found to be super effective, was to get Savannah a special baby. We took her to the store and let her pick any baby that she wanted and got her accessories to go with it. We got her stuff like a bottle, diapers, a stroller, a highchair, etc. She took that baby everywhere for months on end. We showed her the proper way to hold a baby, showed her how to feed it, and how to change its diaper. While she was playing, we would tell her she had to stop and feed her baby every so often. We would also remind her she had to be quiet because baby was sleeping. Without having to tell her anything, she tried to share her toys with the doll. She was so excited to be a big sister and we knew she was going to be an amazing one.

Going from one child to another is not only hard on the parents who are trying to adjust and find routine, but also on the other child(ren). It’s one of the biggest changes that a child will go through. But there are always things that you can do to try and make the transition easier. And sometimes, it can be the smallest things that can make the biggest change. But it’s not always going to be smooth sailing, no matter how hard you try to prepare. The important thing is to keep trying and never give up. Even if the child acts out or seems like they don’t like their sibling, they are already best friends with a special place in each others hearts.

How To Balance Being A Working Mom And A Student

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Being a mom isn’t easy. Being a working mom is extremely difficult. Being a working mom while being a student is borderline impossible. In the beginning, it was extremely hard and tiring to fine time for everything and I was exhausted. I still am exhausted, just not as much that I have a plan. But I wouldn’t change it for the world. Trying to get into a routine of balance was super hard, but once you figure it out, it makes life a million time easier. It makes you feel like you can take control of your life again and not have it taken over by everything that you have to do in life.

When I was pregnant with Savannah, I had stopped going to high school at an actual school. I didn’t think that I could handle all the things that were going to be said about the pregnancy. So, I decided to finish my grade twelve online from home. I had quit my job a few months prior to finding out I was pregnant, so I wasn’t working except for the odd babysitting job. This obviously made finishing high school super easy. When Savannah was just under a year old, I graduated high school, but I was unsure of what I wanted to do next. Because of this, I decided to wait until the following September to enroll in college. During this time, I started working.

Part way through my year off school, I decided that I wanted to work with children and made the decision to enroll in the Early Childhood Education program. I continued to work for the remainder of the year so that I could save up and still spend some time with Savannah, I knew that with working and school, my time with Savannah was going to be drastically shortened. And I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that, so I decided to do my schooling online again. This way, I could still be getting an education and being there with Savannah as much as I possibly could. All my lectures and assignment are done online, but I still have field placement courses that I have to do, which didn’t start until second semester.

During first semester, I was working part time evenings, usually five to nine thirty. It worked out perfectly with not having to have childcare. Dagen would get home shortly before I had to leave for work and have Savannah in bed by the time I got home. When working this shift, I would read lectures and/or work on assignment when Savannah was napping. When Savannah was awake, we would obviously play together and have breakfast and lunch, but I also would do some stuff around the house like dishes, or vacuuming. When I would get home from work, I would usually do a load of laundry and do about an hour of school work ono nights that I needed to. Since Dagen and I are night owls, we would spend time together after that when everything that needed to be done was done, and Savannah was asleep. Once second semester started and I had to do field placement, I would be at the daycare from eight to five on my days off from work. This meant that we were both working so Savannah had to be put in childcare. We were obviously leery about it so we were super happy when a very good family friend offered to watch her while we were both working.

When third semester came around, I only ended up talking half the course load, and didn’t take field placement. You’re probably wondering why. Well, a month before the semester started, we got a huge surprise; Elle! I didn’t want to take a full course load and miss out reaching mu field placement hours since my due date was the last day of school. Turns out it was a really good thing I decided to do this because she decided to come a couple weeks early. After Elle was born, I waited six weeks before returning to my afternoon job. I know what you’re thinking, I’m a bad mom for going back to work so soon. The reason I went back was because it was part time (nine to fifteen hours a week) and I needed to do something where I had just time to myself without children. I also went back so soon because we were in a two bedroom apartment with two children and we needed to save up to get a house. Once going back to work, our routine for the rest of the semester was the same as before, just with two kids instead of one.

Just before the next semester started, we moved out of the city, more towards the country. Shortly after moving in, I started a new job where I was working six to two, Monday through Friday. About a week or so into the job, I dropped down to only working part time, three days a week, so that I could do my field placement. While working or at placement, Savannah and Elle were a family friend. The girls would stay there until either Dagen or I were done. Once we were home with the kids, we would all hangout together and play while I had dinner going. After dinner, we would play for a little bit more, then have a bath, which some nights can last forever. We then moved on to a snack then story before bed. Once the kids were in bed, we would do laundry and dishes, I would do school if I needed to, and usually watch a show or movie together. Like I said before, we are both night owls so we would sometime stay up really late together which means we drink a lot of coffee.

Once I figured out the routine of how to properly balance everything, my life was a million times easier. Before the routine, I felt like I was running with my head chopped off trying to make sure that everything was done. I felt like I was paying more attention to things I had to do than I was living my life and spending time with my children. I felt like I wasn’t paying attention to them and giving them the love and affection that they needed. I decided to do school for my children, so that I could have a decent job and be able to give them everything that they need. But how are you supposed to do something for your children when it takes you away from them? I wondered this for a long time, before I figured out balance, which is the most important thing to make your life work; to be able to do something for your kids while still being there for them.

17 And Pregnant

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My boyfriend and I started dating in April of 2014, when we were seventeen years old. We had only been together for about five months when I found out I was pregnant. The realization was obviously a big shock, and certain things and thoughts were common with teen pregnancy. One of these things and thoughts was abortion. But regardless of our age, this was something that wasn’tever an option, it didn’t even cross our minds. After the shock settled, we were really happy and excited about it, and hoped our family would be too.

I remember the day when I first saw the positive pregnancy test, I was completely in disbelief. As was my boyfriend. It wasn’t until we took about three more at home tests and got a test done at the doctor’s office for it to sink in. After a little bit, the feeling of disbelief was replaced with excitement and nerves.

The day we got the test done at the doctors, we happened to be at my moms’ house. I casually mentioned that my period was late, and she started freaking out and saying, “you go to the doctors right now and take a test!” and “you better not be pregnant!”. So, we go to see the doctor and of course the test comes back positive, and now I’m freaking out about how to tell my mom. After about an hour of wasting time, we finally head back and tell my mom. The whole drive back, I thought she was going to be mad, but she wasactually really excited! She couldn’t wait to be a grandma. So that clearly went better than expected.

My dad was a different story. I knew he wasn’t going to be happy about it, but I knew that I had some time to figure out the right way to tell him since he lives in Vancouver. Well, I thought I had time, but my mom beat me to the punch. By the time I called him to tell him, he already knew, and I later found out that he drank a bottle of alcohol a night since he found out. To say he was unhappy was an understatement. The idea of abortion was constantly brought up by him. For weeks.

When he came home to London to visit, that’s when it started coming up more. He came home around Christmas time and I was just shy of being three months pregnant at this point. Whenever I would see him, he would try to convinceme to get an abortion by saying, “it’s just a bunch of cells, it’s not a big deal”. I finally got so fed up that I replied to him with “did you ever think about getting an abortion when you found out that mom was pregnant with me??”When he said no, I think he finally realized that no matter what he said, I wasn’t going to get one. We were only a year younger than him and my mom were when they found out about me. After this realization set in with him, he became completely supportive.

So once everything was accepted by my family, we announced to everyone else that we were expecting. And it was one of the scariest things ever. I faced a lot of judgement from people who were telling me that I was dumb, or stupid, and many other things. I stopped going to school at the beginning of grade twelve, I wasn’t sure how this was going to affect my relationship, and I lost a lot of friends. It was a struggle, and sometimes I didn’t know how I was going to get through it all. But luckily my boyfriend, and some of my best friends, still to this day, were my absolute rocks. I don’t think I would’ve been able to handle everything the way I did, without them. Fast forward a little bit, we find out that we are having a baby girl and have an amazing baby shower thrown by my family, and another thrown by my awesome friends. A few months later, on my due date of July 11, and after twenty-five and a half hours of labour, Savannah is born weighing 7lb 10oz. My boyfriend and I, and both our families were so in love and over the moon. Seeing her made all my worries go away, it made me think that I could do anything. In that moment, I don’t think I have ever been so happy or so in love.

Now I know what you’re thinking. Getting pregnant as a teen means that I was a high school dropout. And for a little bit I was. After not going to school for about two months, I realized that even though I was at home, I still have to finish it. So, I decided to do it all online. It may have taken me a bit longer than other people my age, but I still did it. I am now currently in my second year of college, working, running two businesses, and have two children. The point is, being a teen mom didn’t “ruin” my life, it was actually the best thing that ever happened to me. Just because you have a child at a young age, doesn’t mean you’re always going to end up going a certain way in life. You can do whatever you put your mind to and having my child young gave me the extra push that I needed to get there.

Why Formula Feeding Was The Best Choice I Made As A Parent

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I know this post is going to cause a lot on controversy because for some reason, this seems to be a huge debate where mothers are constantly put down over choices they make for their children. I chose to formula feed so if this is something that you disagree with, you may as well stop reading now. Choosing to formula feed Savannah and Elle was the best decision I have ever made as a mother.

When I was pregnant with Savannah, I thought about all the things I planned to do as a mother. One of these things included breastfeeding. It was something that I always wanted since finding out I was pregnant, a bond that I wanted to have with my child. A bond that I believed would make me a better mother. Unfortunately, this didn’t happen. I was only able to breastfeed for three weeks. I wasn’t producing enough milk for her between feedings and pumping.

Because I wasn’t producing enough milk, Savannah was constantly hungry, crying, and grumpy. She wouldn’t sleep much, she started to become inconsolable. Because of this, I made the decision to switch to formula. What a difference, let me tell you. She started to sleep, she barely cried, and we were able to keep her calm and happy. We were able to catch up on our sleep, we were happier, and it put less strain on our relationship. Switching to formula made Savannah happy and made us happy as well.

Fast forward three years to when I was pregnant with Elle. I told myself I was going to try again to breastfeed. I told myself I wouldn’t give up. But, after two weeks, I did. Some people don’t know but Elle was born early, and she was a couple weeks behind in development while in the womb. Because of this, she was tiny and had issues latching. It wasn’t until her actual due date that she started to latch (3.5 weeks, technically 5.5 weeks after she was born). I was trying to pump during this time but wasn’t having much luck. When she did latch, I couldn’t feed her enough because my supply had decreased immensely. So once again I switched to formula.

For the longest time, I felt like an awful mother, like a failure. I felt like I couldn’t do the one thing that all mothers are expected to do. One day, it just hit me. Breastfeeding is something that mothers are EXPECTED to do, not that they HAVE to do to be a good mother. Sometimes people just can’t breastfeed, and for different reasons. Some mothers don’t produce enough milk, some babies are lactose intolerant, some mothers have medical issues that can prevent them from breastfeeding, and many more. And for some reason, mothers are shamed for giving their child formula because of these reasons.

Thinking back now, I regret thinking that of myself. I would never change the choice that I made. Not only were both children happy, but my partner and I were able to split the responsibilities more. Not only could we both take turns feeding them during the day because of the bottle, but that means that we could also take turns feeding them during the night so that we were both able to get sleep. Because of formula, not only was he able to leave for work for the day, but I was able to go out for a few hours when he was home and not have to worry about anything because I know she was still getting fed. And most importantly, my babies were HAPPY and they were FED.

I don’t understand why mothers are put down so much for formula feeding their children. As long as your child is happy, fed, and healthy, then why does it matter if they have formula or breast milk? Being a mother is hard because others are always judging what we do. But instead of judging each other, we need to come together and build each other up. We need to respect the choices that parents make for their children because a lot of the time, we don’t know why they are making certain choices but it’s none of our business. As long as the child is happy and healthy, stop judging parents and encourage them for their child thriving.