Tag: coparenting

My Boyfriend Is Not A Babysitter

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I don’t go out with friends often, but sometimes when I do, my boyfriend will stay home with our girls. When I’m able to do something, usually because of prior commitments to my family, I’m constantly asked, “well can’t he just babysit them while you’re gone?” This is the question that bugs me, it’s wrong on so many levels.

Yes, Dagen is only my boyfriend, but he is also the father to both of our children. Meaning, we share the responsibilities surrounding the children equally. We both feed them, change diapers, bathe them, put them to bed, etc. And yes, sometimes I’m home with them while he goes out, and vice versa, but that doesn’t mean he is babysitting. It means that her is being a parent, taking on the same roles of a mother. If it’s not called babysitting when I do it, then why is it called babysitting when he does it?

I’m constantly asked if Dagen can handle watching both girls for however amount of time. But the thing is, I don’t worry about Dagen watching the girls like I would worry with a babysitter. They are always fed, changed, and happy when they are with him, so I have nothing to worry about. I trust him completely with both our girls. Yes, he may feel like he wants to rip his hair out sometimes, but the kids are always cared for and he is always happy when I come home.

Over the years, I have even gotten comments such as, “I’m impressed that you’re leaving him home with the children” and “you’re making him into a great father by letting him babysit them”. Uhm, no! You shouldn’t be impressed with me for letting him watch them when he is their FATHER and taking on the responsibilities of a parent. Also, I’m not making him into a good father by letting him watch his children, he is making himself into a good father by what HE is doing on his own. I don’t understand why people always think that it is me that is shaping him into the person that he is. I have no part in that at all.

He is an awesome and engaged father. He takes on all the roles that a parent should. He is overly involved, a part of everything that they do in their lives, helps them figure out their way through situations, and give them some of the best advice as a father. He helps them with absolutely everything, he is their role model. So, no, he is not the babysitter, he is their father. So please, stop asking me is Dagen is babysitting when he is just being a father.

Dads Are Parents Too

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Before I get into this, I want to make sure that you all know a few things. This doesn’t apply to everyone, not everyone is in the same situation. Not everyone has the same things in place for their child to see their father. Different situations call for different actions. I don’t mean to cause any offence that this could possibly cause. This is mainly for the mothers who choose to keep their child away from their father solely because they can.

Sometimes, relationships between parents can end and it sucks. There are many different reasons that it could end, but a father should still be in their child’s life if they are showing effort and the child will be in a safe place. If they are abusive, or there is a court order to stay away from the child, then that is a different story. If you can put everything aside to let your child’s father see them, then good on you and it shows a lot about who you are as a person. Unfortunately, I know a lot of women who have kept fathers away from, their child for no reason at all. Just because they can. And it’s not fair.

It takes two people to make a baby. So, both parents need to take responsibility for that child, which is hard to do if the mother is keeping the father away. The only time that a child should not be allowed to see their father is if he is abusive, there is a court order, or any other serious occurrence that can make it unsafe for the child. If he is providing for the child, keeps them in a safe environment, and is making effort to be a part of their lives, then he should be there to take on the responsibility of a father. He will do what he needs to do as a father such as buying food and clothes, helping with sports, pickup and drop off, paying child support, and every other role that is expected of a father. He will learn to co-parent with the mother because it is in the best interest of the child.

At one point or another, you had enough love for each other to decide to bring another life into this world. That life, your child, is your number one priority. Nothing should ever come before them. When a relationship ends, you need to out everything aside when it comes to your children. You need to be civil with each other because if you’re not, you child will be able to sense the tension between you two. You need to let the dad be a part of that child’s life, he is a parent too. Our unfortunate reality is that when a relationship ends, a lot of mothers will keep the father away from the children for the sole fact that they can. They would rather their child grow up without a father figure just because they don’t want to be around them. And again, this is not all mothers.

As for fathers who don’t want to be involved, don’t force them. In this situation, you need to do what is best for you and your children whether it is getting sole custody or getting rights signed over.

Too many mothers are starting to become too petty when it comes to the father of their children. And I think that’s really sad. They would rather act like this instead of putting their children first. I know a day who isn’t allowed to see his daughter because the mother refuses. The mom doesn’t respond to calls or messages and will block his number and social media. The only time he will hear from her is if she doesn’t have anyone with to watch the child. But, if he doesn’t get there fast enough, it’s a forty-five-minute drive, she won’t let him see her.

Now, I know you’re saying, “if they actually want to see their child, they should go through court”. And a lot of them are, but it takes time. And until everything is completely sorted out, it can be very challenging for them to see their children.  As for the mothers who let the fathers see their children, good on you. It says a lot about who you are as a person since a lot of moms wouldn’t. It shows that you are putting your children’s best interests first.

Even though mothers are usually the primary caregivers, doesn’t mean that the fathers don’t do anything. They have a huge role in their child’s upbringing. Mothers need to stop thinking that they can just put the dads in the backseat just because they are no longer together. They need to stop being so petty and allow the father to be involved. They need to let the dad be a dad to their best ability.