Tag: parents

Dads Are Parents Too

alyssa1531Leave a comment

Before I get into this, I want to make sure that you all know a few things. This doesn’t apply to everyone, not everyone is in the same situation. Not everyone has the same things in place for their child to see their father. Different situations call for different actions. I don’t mean to cause any offence that this could possibly cause. This is mainly for the mothers who choose to keep their child away from their father solely because they can.

Sometimes, relationships between parents can end and it sucks. There are many different reasons that it could end, but a father should still be in their child’s life if they are showing effort and the child will be in a safe place. If they are abusive, or there is a court order to stay away from the child, then that is a different story. If you can put everything aside to let your child’s father see them, then good on you and it shows a lot about who you are as a person. Unfortunately, I know a lot of women who have kept fathers away from, their child for no reason at all. Just because they can. And it’s not fair.

It takes two people to make a baby. So, both parents need to take responsibility for that child, which is hard to do if the mother is keeping the father away. The only time that a child should not be allowed to see their father is if he is abusive, there is a court order, or any other serious occurrence that can make it unsafe for the child. If he is providing for the child, keeps them in a safe environment, and is making effort to be a part of their lives, then he should be there to take on the responsibility of a father. He will do what he needs to do as a father such as buying food and clothes, helping with sports, pickup and drop off, paying child support, and every other role that is expected of a father. He will learn to co-parent with the mother because it is in the best interest of the child.

At one point or another, you had enough love for each other to decide to bring another life into this world. That life, your child, is your number one priority. Nothing should ever come before them. When a relationship ends, you need to out everything aside when it comes to your children. You need to be civil with each other because if you’re not, you child will be able to sense the tension between you two. You need to let the dad be a part of that child’s life, he is a parent too. Our unfortunate reality is that when a relationship ends, a lot of mothers will keep the father away from the children for the sole fact that they can. They would rather their child grow up without a father figure just because they don’t want to be around them. And again, this is not all mothers.

As for fathers who don’t want to be involved, don’t force them. In this situation, you need to do what is best for you and your children whether it is getting sole custody or getting rights signed over.

Too many mothers are starting to become too petty when it comes to the father of their children. And I think that’s really sad. They would rather act like this instead of putting their children first. I know a day who isn’t allowed to see his daughter because the mother refuses. The mom doesn’t respond to calls or messages and will block his number and social media. The only time he will hear from her is if she doesn’t have anyone with to watch the child. But, if he doesn’t get there fast enough, it’s a forty-five-minute drive, she won’t let him see her.

Now, I know you’re saying, “if they actually want to see their child, they should go through court”. And a lot of them are, but it takes time. And until everything is completely sorted out, it can be very challenging for them to see their children.  As for the mothers who let the fathers see their children, good on you. It says a lot about who you are as a person since a lot of moms wouldn’t. It shows that you are putting your children’s best interests first.

Even though mothers are usually the primary caregivers, doesn’t mean that the fathers don’t do anything. They have a huge role in their child’s upbringing. Mothers need to stop thinking that they can just put the dads in the backseat just because they are no longer together. They need to stop being so petty and allow the father to be involved. They need to let the dad be a dad to their best ability.

Parents Know Best

alyssa1531Leave a comment

What are you supposed to do when your parents try to tell you how to raise your kids? I can tell you that I was angry, confused, and felt like a failure of a mother. I thought, “my parents know best so they must be right”. So, for awhile, I just sort of gave in, then one day, like a switch went off in me, I realized that I am the parent, so I know what is best for my children. Let me take this back to the beginning.

A few months back, I went to a trip with Savannah, Elle, and my aunt to visit my dad and his little family in Vancouver. With a five-hour flight each way, I was amazed with how well the kids handled it considering it was something new and had never done before. Savannah mainly played on the Ipad and Elle slept though most of it. Even though they handled the flight well, I knew the week was going to be a little rough since they were thrown through a loop and off their routine. Not only were things different by how they were staying somewhere new for a week, but the time change really hit them hard.

Savannah was hit the worst. She was constantly grumpy, not listening, and acting out. Which is totally out of character for her. So, when she was acting out or not listening, she would start to act out even more which led to time outs and having private talks with me about her behaviour and attitude. Because my dad lives so far away, he doesn’t see me or his grandchildren very often, so he doesn’t know what regular behaviour was and what was not for either child. He didn’t understand why Savannah was getting in trouble for things he considered normal for a toddler because that isn’t how Savannah acts.  

So, because Savannah was acting out, she was getting time outs and talks with myself. My dad would constantly make comments like “that’s what toddlers do” and “oh, getting her in trouble again over nothing”. It got to the point where comments like this were made every time I even tried to talk to Savannah. After the first few days, I just stopped trying. I just let her get away with things because I thought my dad was right, I thought he knew best. And it went on like this for the rest of the week. I thought that for the first 3 years of her life, I was doing everything wrong, and it made me feel like the biggest failure ever.

I got pregnant at 17 with Savannah and had her when I was 18. I was so young, I really didn’t know what I was doing. Having my dad make these comments made me think that even though I though I’d figured it out, I hadn’t. Having these comments thrown at me for almost three days straight, made me think that I had no idea how to parent or that I was being too hard on her. It didn’t hit me until the flight home, that he was wrong. Just because that’s the way his toddler might act, doesn’t mean that’s how my toddler acts. I realized that I didn’t have to raise my children the way he thought that I should. It may have taken me a while to figure it out, but I realized that parents know best and I am her parent.   

So, you’re probably wondering, what was the point of this story? The point is do what YOU believe to be best for your children and for yourself. Take advice from people but do not think that you must do things the exact way that others tell you to. A lot of people I know are now having babies, or soon to be having babies, and some are just as young as I was when Savannah was born. We are young and impressionable and want all the help we can get because we are late teens, early twenties. But DO NOT let other people try and control your life and how you raise your children. YOU are the parent, and parents know best.