Tag: mother

Dads Are Parents Too

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Before I get into this, I want to make sure that you all know a few things. This doesn’t apply to everyone, not everyone is in the same situation. Not everyone has the same things in place for their child to see their father. Different situations call for different actions. I don’t mean to cause any offence that this could possibly cause. This is mainly for the mothers who choose to keep their child away from their father solely because they can.

Sometimes, relationships between parents can end and it sucks. There are many different reasons that it could end, but a father should still be in their child’s life if they are showing effort and the child will be in a safe place. If they are abusive, or there is a court order to stay away from the child, then that is a different story. If you can put everything aside to let your child’s father see them, then good on you and it shows a lot about who you are as a person. Unfortunately, I know a lot of women who have kept fathers away from, their child for no reason at all. Just because they can. And it’s not fair.

It takes two people to make a baby. So, both parents need to take responsibility for that child, which is hard to do if the mother is keeping the father away. The only time that a child should not be allowed to see their father is if he is abusive, there is a court order, or any other serious occurrence that can make it unsafe for the child. If he is providing for the child, keeps them in a safe environment, and is making effort to be a part of their lives, then he should be there to take on the responsibility of a father. He will do what he needs to do as a father such as buying food and clothes, helping with sports, pickup and drop off, paying child support, and every other role that is expected of a father. He will learn to co-parent with the mother because it is in the best interest of the child.

At one point or another, you had enough love for each other to decide to bring another life into this world. That life, your child, is your number one priority. Nothing should ever come before them. When a relationship ends, you need to out everything aside when it comes to your children. You need to be civil with each other because if you’re not, you child will be able to sense the tension between you two. You need to let the dad be a part of that child’s life, he is a parent too. Our unfortunate reality is that when a relationship ends, a lot of mothers will keep the father away from the children for the sole fact that they can. They would rather their child grow up without a father figure just because they don’t want to be around them. And again, this is not all mothers.

As for fathers who don’t want to be involved, don’t force them. In this situation, you need to do what is best for you and your children whether it is getting sole custody or getting rights signed over.

Too many mothers are starting to become too petty when it comes to the father of their children. And I think that’s really sad. They would rather act like this instead of putting their children first. I know a day who isn’t allowed to see his daughter because the mother refuses. The mom doesn’t respond to calls or messages and will block his number and social media. The only time he will hear from her is if she doesn’t have anyone with to watch the child. But, if he doesn’t get there fast enough, it’s a forty-five-minute drive, she won’t let him see her.

Now, I know you’re saying, “if they actually want to see their child, they should go through court”. And a lot of them are, but it takes time. And until everything is completely sorted out, it can be very challenging for them to see their children.  As for the mothers who let the fathers see their children, good on you. It says a lot about who you are as a person since a lot of moms wouldn’t. It shows that you are putting your children’s best interests first.

Even though mothers are usually the primary caregivers, doesn’t mean that the fathers don’t do anything. They have a huge role in their child’s upbringing. Mothers need to stop thinking that they can just put the dads in the backseat just because they are no longer together. They need to stop being so petty and allow the father to be involved. They need to let the dad be a dad to their best ability.

Why Formula Feeding Was The Best Choice I Made As A Parent

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I know this post is going to cause a lot on controversy because for some reason, this seems to be a huge debate where mothers are constantly put down over choices they make for their children. I chose to formula feed so if this is something that you disagree with, you may as well stop reading now. Choosing to formula feed Savannah and Elle was the best decision I have ever made as a mother.

When I was pregnant with Savannah, I thought about all the things I planned to do as a mother. One of these things included breastfeeding. It was something that I always wanted since finding out I was pregnant, a bond that I wanted to have with my child. A bond that I believed would make me a better mother. Unfortunately, this didn’t happen. I was only able to breastfeed for three weeks. I wasn’t producing enough milk for her between feedings and pumping.

Because I wasn’t producing enough milk, Savannah was constantly hungry, crying, and grumpy. She wouldn’t sleep much, she started to become inconsolable. Because of this, I made the decision to switch to formula. What a difference, let me tell you. She started to sleep, she barely cried, and we were able to keep her calm and happy. We were able to catch up on our sleep, we were happier, and it put less strain on our relationship. Switching to formula made Savannah happy and made us happy as well.

Fast forward three years to when I was pregnant with Elle. I told myself I was going to try again to breastfeed. I told myself I wouldn’t give up. But, after two weeks, I did. Some people don’t know but Elle was born early, and she was a couple weeks behind in development while in the womb. Because of this, she was tiny and had issues latching. It wasn’t until her actual due date that she started to latch (3.5 weeks, technically 5.5 weeks after she was born). I was trying to pump during this time but wasn’t having much luck. When she did latch, I couldn’t feed her enough because my supply had decreased immensely. So once again I switched to formula.

For the longest time, I felt like an awful mother, like a failure. I felt like I couldn’t do the one thing that all mothers are expected to do. One day, it just hit me. Breastfeeding is something that mothers are EXPECTED to do, not that they HAVE to do to be a good mother. Sometimes people just can’t breastfeed, and for different reasons. Some mothers don’t produce enough milk, some babies are lactose intolerant, some mothers have medical issues that can prevent them from breastfeeding, and many more. And for some reason, mothers are shamed for giving their child formula because of these reasons.

Thinking back now, I regret thinking that of myself. I would never change the choice that I made. Not only were both children happy, but my partner and I were able to split the responsibilities more. Not only could we both take turns feeding them during the day because of the bottle, but that means that we could also take turns feeding them during the night so that we were both able to get sleep. Because of formula, not only was he able to leave for work for the day, but I was able to go out for a few hours when he was home and not have to worry about anything because I know she was still getting fed. And most importantly, my babies were HAPPY and they were FED.

I don’t understand why mothers are put down so much for formula feeding their children. As long as your child is happy, fed, and healthy, then why does it matter if they have formula or breast milk? Being a mother is hard because others are always judging what we do. But instead of judging each other, we need to come together and build each other up. We need to respect the choices that parents make for their children because a lot of the time, we don’t know why they are making certain choices but it’s none of our business. As long as the child is happy and healthy, stop judging parents and encourage them for their child thriving.