Tag: parenting

Dads Are Parents Too

alyssa1531Leave a comment

Before I get into this, I want to make sure that you all know a few things. This doesn’t apply to everyone, not everyone is in the same situation. Not everyone has the same things in place for their child to see their father. Different situations call for different actions. I don’t mean to cause any offence that this could possibly cause. This is mainly for the mothers who choose to keep their child away from their father solely because they can.

Sometimes, relationships between parents can end and it sucks. There are many different reasons that it could end, but a father should still be in their child’s life if they are showing effort and the child will be in a safe place. If they are abusive, or there is a court order to stay away from the child, then that is a different story. If you can put everything aside to let your child’s father see them, then good on you and it shows a lot about who you are as a person. Unfortunately, I know a lot of women who have kept fathers away from, their child for no reason at all. Just because they can. And it’s not fair.

It takes two people to make a baby. So, both parents need to take responsibility for that child, which is hard to do if the mother is keeping the father away. The only time that a child should not be allowed to see their father is if he is abusive, there is a court order, or any other serious occurrence that can make it unsafe for the child. If he is providing for the child, keeps them in a safe environment, and is making effort to be a part of their lives, then he should be there to take on the responsibility of a father. He will do what he needs to do as a father such as buying food and clothes, helping with sports, pickup and drop off, paying child support, and every other role that is expected of a father. He will learn to co-parent with the mother because it is in the best interest of the child.

At one point or another, you had enough love for each other to decide to bring another life into this world. That life, your child, is your number one priority. Nothing should ever come before them. When a relationship ends, you need to out everything aside when it comes to your children. You need to be civil with each other because if you’re not, you child will be able to sense the tension between you two. You need to let the dad be a part of that child’s life, he is a parent too. Our unfortunate reality is that when a relationship ends, a lot of mothers will keep the father away from the children for the sole fact that they can. They would rather their child grow up without a father figure just because they don’t want to be around them. And again, this is not all mothers.

As for fathers who don’t want to be involved, don’t force them. In this situation, you need to do what is best for you and your children whether it is getting sole custody or getting rights signed over.

Too many mothers are starting to become too petty when it comes to the father of their children. And I think that’s really sad. They would rather act like this instead of putting their children first. I know a day who isn’t allowed to see his daughter because the mother refuses. The mom doesn’t respond to calls or messages and will block his number and social media. The only time he will hear from her is if she doesn’t have anyone with to watch the child. But, if he doesn’t get there fast enough, it’s a forty-five-minute drive, she won’t let him see her.

Now, I know you’re saying, “if they actually want to see their child, they should go through court”. And a lot of them are, but it takes time. And until everything is completely sorted out, it can be very challenging for them to see their children.  As for the mothers who let the fathers see their children, good on you. It says a lot about who you are as a person since a lot of moms wouldn’t. It shows that you are putting your children’s best interests first.

Even though mothers are usually the primary caregivers, doesn’t mean that the fathers don’t do anything. They have a huge role in their child’s upbringing. Mothers need to stop thinking that they can just put the dads in the backseat just because they are no longer together. They need to stop being so petty and allow the father to be involved. They need to let the dad be a dad to their best ability.

How I Potty Trained My Toddler

alyssa1531Leave a comment

I’m just going to come straight out and say it – potty training sucks. If you’re a parent you already know this, and if not, let me just give you a glimpse into our nightmare. It can be extremely difficult, your house constantly smells like pee, you’re constantly, and I mean CONSTANTLY, doing laundry. I have yet to meet a mom who actually enjoys the potty-training stage. Luckily, I found a way to get through it once and hopefully I can do it a second time. Here are a few tips and tricks to get you though potty-training.

This one may seem over the top so bear with me! I was beyond tired of having to steam clean my carpet every time Savannah had an accident, but if I didn’t do it, the entire house would smell like pee. So, I decided to put down pee pads! You’re probably thinking that I’m crazy but hear me out. I didn’t have them everywhere, just in a path from the bathroom to where Savannah’s toys were. This way if she had an accident while playing, which was very common, I didn’t have to deep clean every time. It was also helpful when she was trying to get to the bathroom and didn’t make it in time! I would switch out whatever ones got dirty during the day and would replace all of them in the morning. Like I said, it may seem a little over the top, but it made my life so much easier.

Always keep your child in underwear at home! Obviously, this means that accidents are going to go every where, but that’s the joy of potty-training. Having them in underwear all the time means they actually have to pull them all the way down to be able to go to the bathroom. Now, you’re probably thinking that they can learn that in a pull-up too. The only problem with that is aside from the fact that a pull-up can be pulled up and down, it feels just like a diaper. Kids are used to the feeling of sitting in their diaper after going to the bathroom, so it doesn’t really prompt them to try the potty, or to tell you that they have gone. However, when wearing underwear, the wetness will go every where and down their leg, and with it being a new feeling, most kids won’t like it, and will try to avoid the feeling so they tend to try and use the potty more. But, when we went out places with Savannah, we would put her in a pull=up to avoid accidents while out in public but would still ask and encourage using the bathroom.

When we were at home and she was in her underwear, we would ask if she had to go pee every twenty minutes or so. Even if she said no, we tried to have her on the potty once every half hour. Even when we were out somewhere and she was in a pull-up, we would still ask every twenty minutes and if we were able to, we would sit her on the toilet so she could try to go. Having consistency is one of the most important things in potty-training, and I think that’s one of the things that is forgotten most times.

Doing this for awhile, will help them be fully day trained. Night training is a little different and more difficult since most kids are heavy sleepers, like Savannah. We made sure she had a waterproof cover on her mattress incase she had any accidents. We tried to make sure that she didn’t have anything to drink for about an hour before bedtime to try and reduce the urge of peeing in her sleep. Even though she didn’t have anything to drink, we would still put her in a pull-up for bedtime. We found an awesome approach which helped her wake up dry! Because we had just had Elle around the time potty-training started, every time she woke up for a bottle, we would wake Savannah up and have her to on the potty. You can still do this even if you don’t have another child, because I’m sure most people are like me and wake up at least once to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

After doing this for a few nights and having her always wake up dry, we started trying to put her to bed in underwear. After two nights in a row in underwear and having accidents, we put her back in a pull-up for bed, thinking that she wasn’t ready yet. When she woke up dry for a week straight, we tried underwear again. Since that day, she hasn’t had any accidents in her sleep! She is 100% dry all the time! Because Elle stuck very closely to her routine, she would wake up around the same time every night. Which means we always woke Savannah up at around the same time every night. It eventually got to the point where we could hear Savannah wake up and go to the bathroom over the baby monitor as Elle was having her bottle. Now, she always gets up on her own at night and it fully potty trained!

How I Traveled With An Infant And A Toddler

alyssa1531Leave a comment

Travelling with a child can be quite a challenge. However, travelling with multiple children is beyond difficult. Back in November, I traveled with both kids, who were three and seven months at the time, to go visit my dad in Vancouver. Unfortunately, we were unable to get a direct flight, so we flew from London, to Toronto, to Vancouver. We had the same problem on the way back, so we had connecting flights again. Luckily, I had a few tricks up my sleeve to make this trip go as smoothly as possible since I have flown before with just Savannah.

For those who have never flown with children, let me give you a quick little run down on how the flights work. Children aged two and under, are free so they don’t require a seat, so they sit on your lap. You do have the option to buy them a seat if you want them in a car seat during the flight. All babies are allowed a diaper bag as a carry on. Any child over the age of two, requires a seat, and in turn are allowed one carry on bag. Female travellers can have their purse and a carryon bag. So, when thinking about it, it is four bags all together. I also had my carrier with me for Elle so that it made the walk to connecting flights a million times easier. This may seem like a lot but trust me when I say that you need it. When travelling with children, you can bring two of the following three items for each child: car seat, playpen, and stroller. For this trip, I only brought car seats for each child because my dad had a play pen and air mattress for the girls to sleep on, as well as a double stroller so there was no need for me to bring more than I had to.

When travelling with an infant who is formula fed, or even breastfed, you can bring your own water. They allow you for the sole purpose of needing water to make a formula bottle and so you can keep as hydrated as needed if breastfeeding. They just do a quick drug test through the outside of the water bottle and will send you on your way. They also do the same quick check with the squeezable baby food pouches. They are very lenient when it comes for travelling with an infant because they want the flight to go as easy as possible for you and everyone else on the plane.

For Elle’s diaper bag, I tried to keep it as packed as possible to I could have everything I needed, or thought I needed, in arm’s reach. We had the obvious stuff like diapers, wipes, formula, water, bottles, and food. I also put in a change of clothes, an extra soother, a soother clip, some toys, and her special blanket. Like I said before, I also made sure that I had the carrier so that it was easier to walk through the airport, but to also make takeoff and landing easier (they have to be on your lap with their head in your chest for both). For Savannah, I brought some snacks, a pull up in case she wanted to sleep, her blanket and favourite stuffie, kids’ headphones and an Ipad full of kids’ games and cartoons. Usually, I’m not all for a lot of screen time but with this situation, I just wanted it to go as smooth as possible, so I just let it happen.  

My purse had all my essentials, a book, some snacks and everyone’s birth certificates and health cards. In my carryon, I had my camera, laptop and charger, notebook and textbooks (it was close to exam season). So needless to say, all the carryon items we had had a fair share of stuff in them. This was obviously a big pain to carry between flights, but I would’ve been so screwed without having everything that I did.

Once we were settled into our seats and waiting for takeoff, I would set Savannah up with a show in the Ipad and give her the blanket and stuffie. After Savannah was all set up, I would give Elle a bottle while she was still in the carrier. If she fell asleep there after the bottle, I would keep her there until she woke up. If she didn’t fall asleep, I would take her out and put the carrier under my seat then let her play with some toys. It was a lot to do this for a total of four flights in ten days, but it was the easiest way to get it done.

Unfortunately, the way home didn’t go as smooth. The flight from Vancouver to Toronto was great, but we ended up having a six and a half hour in Toronto. So, after a four-and-a-half-hour flight that we were all awake for, we were exhausted. I ended up holding both kids who fell asleep and ended up falling asleep myself for about an hour. After waking up, my arms were numb from holding both kids, who were still sleeping. Since we had already been there for so long, I just wrapped them up in their blankets and put them on the carpeted floor to sleep since we were the only people there. They slept like this for about another two hours. Once they woke up, we went to Tim Horton’s to get some lunch and played ISpy for about 3 hours off and on. Now, I’m not the biggest fan of flying but I couldn’t have been happier to hear the boarding call for our flight. After an eighteen-minute flight, we were finally home, and I had never been so happy to be back in London Ontario.

Now, it may not have seemed like I did a lot to make it go easier, or it may even look like I took the easy way out. But, regardless of what I did, I had two happy, non-screaming kids through all four flights, and it wasn’t as hard ad I feared it would be.

How To Balance Being A Working Mom And A Student

alyssa1531Leave a comment

Being a mom isn’t easy. Being a working mom is extremely difficult. Being a working mom while being a student is borderline impossible. In the beginning, it was extremely hard and tiring to fine time for everything and I was exhausted. I still am exhausted, just not as much that I have a plan. But I wouldn’t change it for the world. Trying to get into a routine of balance was super hard, but once you figure it out, it makes life a million time easier. It makes you feel like you can take control of your life again and not have it taken over by everything that you have to do in life.

When I was pregnant with Savannah, I had stopped going to high school at an actual school. I didn’t think that I could handle all the things that were going to be said about the pregnancy. So, I decided to finish my grade twelve online from home. I had quit my job a few months prior to finding out I was pregnant, so I wasn’t working except for the odd babysitting job. This obviously made finishing high school super easy. When Savannah was just under a year old, I graduated high school, but I was unsure of what I wanted to do next. Because of this, I decided to wait until the following September to enroll in college. During this time, I started working.

Part way through my year off school, I decided that I wanted to work with children and made the decision to enroll in the Early Childhood Education program. I continued to work for the remainder of the year so that I could save up and still spend some time with Savannah, I knew that with working and school, my time with Savannah was going to be drastically shortened. And I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that, so I decided to do my schooling online again. This way, I could still be getting an education and being there with Savannah as much as I possibly could. All my lectures and assignment are done online, but I still have field placement courses that I have to do, which didn’t start until second semester.

During first semester, I was working part time evenings, usually five to nine thirty. It worked out perfectly with not having to have childcare. Dagen would get home shortly before I had to leave for work and have Savannah in bed by the time I got home. When working this shift, I would read lectures and/or work on assignment when Savannah was napping. When Savannah was awake, we would obviously play together and have breakfast and lunch, but I also would do some stuff around the house like dishes, or vacuuming. When I would get home from work, I would usually do a load of laundry and do about an hour of school work ono nights that I needed to. Since Dagen and I are night owls, we would spend time together after that when everything that needed to be done was done, and Savannah was asleep. Once second semester started and I had to do field placement, I would be at the daycare from eight to five on my days off from work. This meant that we were both working so Savannah had to be put in childcare. We were obviously leery about it so we were super happy when a very good family friend offered to watch her while we were both working.

When third semester came around, I only ended up talking half the course load, and didn’t take field placement. You’re probably wondering why. Well, a month before the semester started, we got a huge surprise; Elle! I didn’t want to take a full course load and miss out reaching mu field placement hours since my due date was the last day of school. Turns out it was a really good thing I decided to do this because she decided to come a couple weeks early. After Elle was born, I waited six weeks before returning to my afternoon job. I know what you’re thinking, I’m a bad mom for going back to work so soon. The reason I went back was because it was part time (nine to fifteen hours a week) and I needed to do something where I had just time to myself without children. I also went back so soon because we were in a two bedroom apartment with two children and we needed to save up to get a house. Once going back to work, our routine for the rest of the semester was the same as before, just with two kids instead of one.

Just before the next semester started, we moved out of the city, more towards the country. Shortly after moving in, I started a new job where I was working six to two, Monday through Friday. About a week or so into the job, I dropped down to only working part time, three days a week, so that I could do my field placement. While working or at placement, Savannah and Elle were a family friend. The girls would stay there until either Dagen or I were done. Once we were home with the kids, we would all hangout together and play while I had dinner going. After dinner, we would play for a little bit more, then have a bath, which some nights can last forever. We then moved on to a snack then story before bed. Once the kids were in bed, we would do laundry and dishes, I would do school if I needed to, and usually watch a show or movie together. Like I said before, we are both night owls so we would sometime stay up really late together which means we drink a lot of coffee.

Once I figured out the routine of how to properly balance everything, my life was a million times easier. Before the routine, I felt like I was running with my head chopped off trying to make sure that everything was done. I felt like I was paying more attention to things I had to do than I was living my life and spending time with my children. I felt like I wasn’t paying attention to them and giving them the love and affection that they needed. I decided to do school for my children, so that I could have a decent job and be able to give them everything that they need. But how are you supposed to do something for your children when it takes you away from them? I wondered this for a long time, before I figured out balance, which is the most important thing to make your life work; to be able to do something for your kids while still being there for them.

Why Formula Feeding Was The Best Choice I Made As A Parent

alyssa1531Leave a comment

I know this post is going to cause a lot on controversy because for some reason, this seems to be a huge debate where mothers are constantly put down over choices they make for their children. I chose to formula feed so if this is something that you disagree with, you may as well stop reading now. Choosing to formula feed Savannah and Elle was the best decision I have ever made as a mother.

When I was pregnant with Savannah, I thought about all the things I planned to do as a mother. One of these things included breastfeeding. It was something that I always wanted since finding out I was pregnant, a bond that I wanted to have with my child. A bond that I believed would make me a better mother. Unfortunately, this didn’t happen. I was only able to breastfeed for three weeks. I wasn’t producing enough milk for her between feedings and pumping.

Because I wasn’t producing enough milk, Savannah was constantly hungry, crying, and grumpy. She wouldn’t sleep much, she started to become inconsolable. Because of this, I made the decision to switch to formula. What a difference, let me tell you. She started to sleep, she barely cried, and we were able to keep her calm and happy. We were able to catch up on our sleep, we were happier, and it put less strain on our relationship. Switching to formula made Savannah happy and made us happy as well.

Fast forward three years to when I was pregnant with Elle. I told myself I was going to try again to breastfeed. I told myself I wouldn’t give up. But, after two weeks, I did. Some people don’t know but Elle was born early, and she was a couple weeks behind in development while in the womb. Because of this, she was tiny and had issues latching. It wasn’t until her actual due date that she started to latch (3.5 weeks, technically 5.5 weeks after she was born). I was trying to pump during this time but wasn’t having much luck. When she did latch, I couldn’t feed her enough because my supply had decreased immensely. So once again I switched to formula.

For the longest time, I felt like an awful mother, like a failure. I felt like I couldn’t do the one thing that all mothers are expected to do. One day, it just hit me. Breastfeeding is something that mothers are EXPECTED to do, not that they HAVE to do to be a good mother. Sometimes people just can’t breastfeed, and for different reasons. Some mothers don’t produce enough milk, some babies are lactose intolerant, some mothers have medical issues that can prevent them from breastfeeding, and many more. And for some reason, mothers are shamed for giving their child formula because of these reasons.

Thinking back now, I regret thinking that of myself. I would never change the choice that I made. Not only were both children happy, but my partner and I were able to split the responsibilities more. Not only could we both take turns feeding them during the day because of the bottle, but that means that we could also take turns feeding them during the night so that we were both able to get sleep. Because of formula, not only was he able to leave for work for the day, but I was able to go out for a few hours when he was home and not have to worry about anything because I know she was still getting fed. And most importantly, my babies were HAPPY and they were FED.

I don’t understand why mothers are put down so much for formula feeding their children. As long as your child is happy, fed, and healthy, then why does it matter if they have formula or breast milk? Being a mother is hard because others are always judging what we do. But instead of judging each other, we need to come together and build each other up. We need to respect the choices that parents make for their children because a lot of the time, we don’t know why they are making certain choices but it’s none of our business. As long as the child is happy and healthy, stop judging parents and encourage them for their child thriving.

Parents Know Best

alyssa1531Leave a comment

What are you supposed to do when your parents try to tell you how to raise your kids? I can tell you that I was angry, confused, and felt like a failure of a mother. I thought, “my parents know best so they must be right”. So, for awhile, I just sort of gave in, then one day, like a switch went off in me, I realized that I am the parent, so I know what is best for my children. Let me take this back to the beginning.

A few months back, I went to a trip with Savannah, Elle, and my aunt to visit my dad and his little family in Vancouver. With a five-hour flight each way, I was amazed with how well the kids handled it considering it was something new and had never done before. Savannah mainly played on the Ipad and Elle slept though most of it. Even though they handled the flight well, I knew the week was going to be a little rough since they were thrown through a loop and off their routine. Not only were things different by how they were staying somewhere new for a week, but the time change really hit them hard.

Savannah was hit the worst. She was constantly grumpy, not listening, and acting out. Which is totally out of character for her. So, when she was acting out or not listening, she would start to act out even more which led to time outs and having private talks with me about her behaviour and attitude. Because my dad lives so far away, he doesn’t see me or his grandchildren very often, so he doesn’t know what regular behaviour was and what was not for either child. He didn’t understand why Savannah was getting in trouble for things he considered normal for a toddler because that isn’t how Savannah acts.  

So, because Savannah was acting out, she was getting time outs and talks with myself. My dad would constantly make comments like “that’s what toddlers do” and “oh, getting her in trouble again over nothing”. It got to the point where comments like this were made every time I even tried to talk to Savannah. After the first few days, I just stopped trying. I just let her get away with things because I thought my dad was right, I thought he knew best. And it went on like this for the rest of the week. I thought that for the first 3 years of her life, I was doing everything wrong, and it made me feel like the biggest failure ever.

I got pregnant at 17 with Savannah and had her when I was 18. I was so young, I really didn’t know what I was doing. Having my dad make these comments made me think that even though I though I’d figured it out, I hadn’t. Having these comments thrown at me for almost three days straight, made me think that I had no idea how to parent or that I was being too hard on her. It didn’t hit me until the flight home, that he was wrong. Just because that’s the way his toddler might act, doesn’t mean that’s how my toddler acts. I realized that I didn’t have to raise my children the way he thought that I should. It may have taken me a while to figure it out, but I realized that parents know best and I am her parent.   

So, you’re probably wondering, what was the point of this story? The point is do what YOU believe to be best for your children and for yourself. Take advice from people but do not think that you must do things the exact way that others tell you to. A lot of people I know are now having babies, or soon to be having babies, and some are just as young as I was when Savannah was born. We are young and impressionable and want all the help we can get because we are late teens, early twenties. But DO NOT let other people try and control your life and how you raise your children. YOU are the parent, and parents know best.